NEXT Meeting-January 5, 2012

Our speaker for our next meeting is Ann Bacon Spooner.  She will be talking with us about making sensible decisions in addition to what it means to be a "Super mom".  Ann's full bio can be viewed via The Peacemaker Center.

 

We're excited to hear from Ann...and hope to see you all at our first meeting in 2012! 

Advent Calendar

For a tutorial on how to make this Advent Calendar- Click Here!

For this and other Advent Calendar Ideas Click Here- All Things Beautiful

Ideas for how to use an advent calendar-

For each day, read part of the Christmas story from the book of Luke.  Here is a link to coloring pages that will make a book at the end of the 25 days.

**We'd love to know what you used last year...please send in your ideas to jennifer.l.kring@gmail.com and I will post them here so others can use them!**

Gifts From the Kitchen: Rise and Shine!

We had a GREAT night!  Thank you to all the 40 ladies who came out to make this evening enjoyable.  Also, a HUGE thank you to the team of ladies who worked so hard at putting it all together!

 

Self-Control

At our November meeting we heard from Courtney Gifford on Self-control. Courtney shared meaningful words, comical "mom" stories, and guided us to learn how to take control of our behaviors and attitudes.  Courtney shared she used to be very involved in MOPS and really enjoyed her time at MOPS.  She is a mom to 3 kids and before that was a school counselor. She shared the role of being a mom is the hardest job she have ever had.  

Courtney felt led to speak on self control because it is something she struggled with as a mom for many years. She has had lots of practice in trying to work on personal self-control and modeling and teaching it to her kids.  Below you will find her outline with helpful advise.

Self Control- the Definition: the ability to exercise restraint or control over one's feelings, emotions, reactions.  Self-control is the discipline of delaying impulse or gratification for a greater purpose.

We are all tempted by different things.  

No one in this room is perfect.  NO ONE!!  No one is the perfect mom or has the perfect child.   In order to develop self-control, we must first be honest with ourselves about our weakness.  We need to admit them to ourselves, each other and God before we can deal with them.   For example, Courtney shared:

            A.  I have always been a very emotional person. 

            B.  Didn't realize how angry I could get until after I was married and then                  had kids. 

            C.  Tone of voice-loud and critical is something I struggle with.

Think about your weaknesses so you can come up with tools to try to help.

Spend 10 minutes talking around your table about what it means to have self-control as a mom and give examples of ways you can do this? Some examples are:

            A.  body language

            B.  Mommy time out-hide in bathroom

            C.  Scripture memory 

Courtney shared that one of the things that has helped her tremendously is to know what she struggles with, so she can take her struggles to God and ask HIM to help her overcome them.  There are practical tools that we can use to have self-control but the power to change comes from the holy spirit. 
II Corinthians 12:6-9.  

There are a number of Bible verses that talk about temptation and struggles.  The Bible talks about how Jesus Himself was tempted. 

            A. I Corinthians 10:13 talks about how God will always give us a way out of our                           temptation.

            B. Phil. 4:13-I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength

            C. Gal. 5:22 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,                                   goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control...

Ways we can teach our kids to have self-control. 

Q:  What are some ways that you teach self-control to your kids?

            A.  Practice

            B.  Reward positive actions

            C.  Consequences-What would be a better choice?

            D.  Talk about self-regulation-be aware of emotions, anger, self-talk

We all make mistakes regularly.  We all mess up so instead of letting that ruin our day and feel mom guilt, we can give everything over to God and ask Him to take our raw gooey eggs and make a yummy breakfast.

            A.  Whole Eggs-our psyche as a mom, our kids psyche

            B.  Broken Eggs-What happens when we lose self-control

            C. Scrambled Eggs-What God can do with our mistakes

                        1.  Be transparent with other moms-we all struggle with this

                        2.  God can change us through our brokenness

                        3.  Ask for forgiveness to your kids.  Great model of humility

Bold, Loving, Sensible

Summing It Up

Laugh today, moms....laugh! See you all on Thursday, September 15th at 9:15am for our MOPS Kick-off Meeting!

MOPS 2011-2012

MomSense: Bold • Loving • Sensible – equips moms to embrace their mothering instincts and develop their own parenting style while navigating through the myriad of daily mom decisions. Most women wonder: 

• How do I decide what to do when I really don’t know what to do?
• Should I trust my intuition?
• With so much available information, how do I discern what’s best?
• What are the most important family values?

Developing a mothering strategy is somewhat like playing a game — and this year’s theme is appropriately game related. Have fun being a mom! Playing games involves being bold and taking risks, loving those in the game with us and being sensible while figuring out what works and what doesn’t.
Just as in real-life, sometimes in games, unexpected, “chance” events occur, abruptly changing our paths. We must regroup and determine our next steps. Sometimes we follow the instructions of “experts.” Sometimes we follow the advice of trusted friends. Sometimes we decide our “house rules” work best for our family. Teaming together with other moms is a great strategy. Relying on a spouse or mentor can help us play more effectively. And, most of all, developing a strong God-Sense is essential for mothering. Growing as a mom through the analogy of game playing assures every mom gains confidence in her abilities as a mom.*

*MOPS International 2011-2012 Theme Description

The Perfect Parent?

Faith vs. Formula: The Myth of a Perfect Parent

Speaker:  Carol Wedevan

Your children will emulate the things you say or do.  Would you like your child to repeat those things?

How well do you know your child…inside and out? Do you hear your child’s heart?  What gives him joy?

It’s so important to be who you are, and to keep your eyes and ears open to each of your children.  

Carol encourages us to THROW OUT trying to be more than GOD and comparing our children, both to our other children and to others’ children.  

How can we get to know our children?  Carol shared her idea of keeping daily journals with snippets of the day’s happenings for each child.  This became a rich resource in her ability to know and understand each as an individual.  It was then something she was able to later hand to each child as a record and reminder.  It would be interesting to see how much the grandchildren are like their parents!

We heard about a variety of children and their personalities and learning needs.  There are so many intricate details to our children that we can get hung up on just a few and miss teaching (and learning) opportunities.  Carol gives examples of what we see from different children, and how we can cater to their needs. 

The child with slow motor skills will need teaching and encouragement in that area.  Patience from both parties is a must.

What about the child with quick motor skills?  We might think, “Great, no need to worry…”  But, in fact, we might want to stress the importance of relaxation.

How about one who is eager but not able?  Our teachable moment would involve training the child in gentle perserverence.  Repetition will help greatly.

There are many other personalities, but this give you an idea.  Look for what could be beneficial for your child.  Specific strengths may show you areas of your child’s personality that could use further training.

Notes on discipline:

Training: keep doing it over and over, repetition is so important for children

Conscious: intentional observation

Steer and train: physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual matters

Saying “yes” whenever you can gives more strength to “no” when you need to use it.

“Yes” can also be taught as “wait,” focusing of patience.

Final words:

 Carol showed us a t-shirt with this phrase:

“Warning: What you do may appear in my next book.” 

This is a true warning for parents…think about it also as: “What your child does may appear in my next book.” (Where did he learn that behavior?)

Fruit of the Spirit: “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22

Be real. Be a trusted friend. Be human. 

Acknowledge: To be perfect is to intimidate.

“Teaching every moment, training for life.”

BE CONTENT.  Pray that your child learns how not to envy or be selfish.

BE HELPFUL GOOD & KIND, showing your child how to care for others.

BE OPEN. Saying, for example, “I am sad today,” permits your child to do the same.

BE PATIENT, showing and teaching your child the art of waiting.

BE PROUD of your child. Celebrate. Build his/her self-worth.

BE THANKFUL.  Pray that your child perceives your heart and learns not to grumble.

BELIEVE that miracles do happen.

BLESS others.  Involving your child plants seeds of love and hope in his/her heart.

CARE for your child as God cares for you both.

CREATE ideas, plans, solutions, opportunities, possibilities, something new everyday.

ENJOY God’s creation.  Help your child see beauty.

FEED your heart, soul and mind with God’s Truth.  Live it with your child.

FORGIVE.  When your child knows forgiveness, (s)he will be able to forgive.

KEEP pen & paper handy.  It’s never too late to record God’s story in your life.

LIFT your life with sleep, rest, quiet times, solitude, meditation, and more sleep.

LIVE the difference between ‘wants’ & ‘needs’ so your child understands the difference.

LOVE your tantrum child with patience, training toward his/her self-control.

LOVE unconditionally, as only God loves you both.  Pray that your child sees God in you.

OBEY God’s rules for life.  Pray that your child obeys both you and God.

PRAY that your child catches all your good habits.

PUT GOD FIRST, spouse & you next, then your child…before hobbies, meetings, etc.

READ beautiful books to your child.  Give him/her the opportunity to love words & truth.

RESPECT your child so (s)he learns to respect others – including you and the family.

SEE, HEAR, SMELL, TASTE, FEEL – learn something new everyday.

SEEK GOD.  He created you for a purpose.  Discover what He has for you to do.

SING while you work.  Sing with your child.  Give your child a heart for song.

SMILE.  Turn your child’s frown into joy and celebration of laughter.

SPEAK loving words.  Your child will follow your example.

THANK your child often.  Pray that your child appreciates gifts and learns to be thankful.

TIME is a gift from God.  Use it wisely.

TRUST your child, and be trustworthy.  Your child wants to trust you.

TRUST in God.  “Don’t just lean on your own understanding.”

Parenting in the Pew

If you didn’t make it to MOPS this month, we missed you!  But we don’t want you to miss out on the wonderful message we had from Nancy Hicks -Women's Outreach Coordinator at COS- on engaging our children in the worship experience, so read on for a little recap!

Nancy has been married for 20 years and has two teenage sons.  She has a great deal of experience in music and a history of leading worship.

She shared that her prayer for her children has always been Deuteronomy 6:5:

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Because we can do things that work against our prayers for our children, we need to pay attention and establish a philosophy on how we’re going to introduce our children to God.  The two ways our children learn about God at this point are:

1.  You and your marriage

2.  Worship Experience

Nancy feels that we should focus on providing an age-appropriate, meaningful worship experience for our children.  When it comes to including our children in “corporate worship” or church service, she’d like us to address our children’s heart instead of focusing on trying to fix certain behaviors.  She’s less concerned that our children behave perfectly in worship service but that they are having a meaningful worship experience.  While we don’t want our children to be a distraction to others during worship, we also want to be careful that they are not tuning out from the experience.

Nancy has five suggestions for making the most of Sunday worship:

1. Prepare!
1. Worship begins Saturday night!  Avoid a late night if it will interfere with Sunday morning.  Lay out the kids’ clothes the night before.  Keep Sunday morning as simple as possible so you can keep the Sabbath day holy.

2. Worship Together
1. Keep your children with you during the worship service.  Nancy stepped down as worship leader when her children were little because she wanted to train her children to worship.

3. Engage Your Children in Worship
1. Instead of just trying to occupy them with a toy and keep them quiet during the service, work on engaging your child in the service.  Nancy gave a great example of how to do this.  During a song, Nancy would instruct her children to squeeze her hand every time they heard a certain word, such as “He”.  This helped train the children to listen and pay attention. 
2. Tithing is another way to engage the children.  If your children are old enough for an allowance, teach them to contribute their own funds to the offering plate.  Otherwise, just let them drop your offering in the plate as it comes around. 

4. Model Worship
1. Some Sunday mornings we’re frazzled or just not into it for some reason.  Nancy reminds us that in the Psalms, David coached his soul to worship.
2. Do your children see you worship during the week?

                                                              i.      Consider doing devotions with your children.  Make them age-appropriate and interesting. Nancy recounted giving her children pots and pans and telling her children to “make a joyful noise to the Lord.” 

5. What do you do when you blow it?
1. When we lose our cool or hurt our example in some way, if we come to God with a broken spirit our worship experience is usually more authentic

Psalm 51:15-17 (King James Version)

 ¹⁵O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

 ¹⁶For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

 ¹⁷The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Nancy left us with the following reminder.  Pray, pray, pray for our children and thank God, humbly, whenever we see our children exhibit excitement toward God.  Ultimately, it’s all in His hands. 

The Comedic Wisdom of Julie Barnhill

We all know the mama that has it all together…she’s got her make up on, her children are properly dressed, and she has the tissues you forgot to shove into your handbag as you rushed out the door 17 minutes late this morning.  BUT…

The woman you think has it all together may not.

A surprising idea about yourself as a mother is your potential to cause harm.  Even the mama who looks to have it all together may have lost it this morning.  We may think of “causing harm” to be physical, but there are many ways in which we have the potential to cause our children harm.  Physical, spiritual, and mental/verbal harm can stick with a young one for a long time.

The put-together mama needs grace and forgiveness the same as those of us who feel like we are constantly disheveled and running late. 

Parenting issues bring on anger.  If you are struggling in a certain area, make yourself AWARE of that weakness and make the effort to overcome that downfall.

Anger leads to guilt and guilt piles up.   Julie spoke briefly about depression, poignantly stating that there are not Christian and non-Christian diseases.  Depression is NOT a non-Christian disease, and if you feel that you may be suffering from depression SEEK HELP from a pastor and/or counselor.  It may be the best thing you could do for your family and yourself.  Remember that “NOTHING you have said/done/thought is beyond HIS grace.”

The background of your life helps explain where you are.

Julie had abandonment issues stemming from her father and stepfather.  Therefore, that showed up in her parenting and became an issue.  During times of difficulty Julie thought about abandoning her children thinking that they would be safer without her, trying to run away from her anger instead of dealing with it and overcoming it.

YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR—you are so complex…realize and appreciate it—you are amazing!!!  Think about all that you do for your family.  Julie tells us about a moment where she was cooking, discussing finances with her husband, keeping a child away from the hot stove, and answering another child’s question.  In that moment it dawned on her, she is (and you are) a SUPERSTAR!!!  Give yourself a break, don’t hold yourself to standards that are too high for you and your family.

Thoughts on kids or “Things we try to change”

The way they are

Many of you may be trying to change a child that is actually just like you.

            Do not to change your child, God gave you your child.

            Find and use strategies for change rather than having to deal with regret.

                        **Know yourself and know your children. 

The things they do

            They break things.  They say things—they are children!!  You can’t hold them accountable for every little mishap.

What they say

You get mad and stuff comes out of your mouth and they repeat it—sometimes we have to hear it in order to see what we are doing to them.   This can turn into verbal abuse.

The meaning of abuse: improper or excessive use.  This can be true with words, not just actions!

Julie tells a story about her sister-in-law speaking to her son.  The SIL makes a snide/degrading comment to her son and Julie hears it.  She then repeats it to her SIL in the same tone and voice in which the SIL originally spoke.  It was only then that the SIL realized the harm she was causing her son with her words.  Sometimes we have to hear it to understand the possible effects.

Improper situations we may find ourselves in:

Spiritual: We say to our child “God is watching…” in order to illicit the proper behavior.

Physical: You may grab your child.  Realize that you are out of control.

Strategies for change:

Understand that you cannot get there without God.

Apart from God, changing out heart it is impossible.

Note the characteristics of the child that make you angry     

            -you may find the same character in yourself

            -How can you learn to love that in them?

Physical situations

You lose your temper.

            -Find the source: for example, is there a lack of sleep?

Choose one thing that you are going to work on. 

Julie decided that her words and sarcasm were well worth working on in order to help build up her family.

Changes take time-be patient!  You may slip here or there, but changing one thing at a time in order to stop causing your family harm is SO worth the effort!

Focus on TRUTH: Children are a blessing.

TRUTH: “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.”

Truth changes us—our thinking, our heart, our life.

For yourself:

-Realize you cannot “do it all.”

-Find space for yourself with girlfriends.

-Find a girlfriend who makes you laugh.

-Seek/show authenticity, realness, and vulnerability.

-Go to someone to help you make peace with your past (and move on to a better future).

Books by Julie Ann Barnhill (all can be found on Amazon):

She’s Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger

Motherhood: The Guilt That Keeps on Giving

Scandalous Grace

Exquisite Hope

Radical Forgiveness

‘Til Debt Do Us Part

The Price of Privilege- A Recap

During our January 6^th meeting, we heard from Anna Balfour.  The topic of focus was “The Price of Privilege,” how living on the Main Line may affect our parenting.  This is a summary and discussion of some of the ideas that Anna discussed at our meeting.  The italicized headings are ideas from Anna’s speech and handouts.  Below are thoughts from a MOPS mama.

Speaker info:

Anna Balfour: The Price of Privilege

anna(at)potentialdifference(dot)net

www(dot)potentialdifference(dot)net

We are (materially) richer than 95% (or more) of the population of the world. 

See www.globalrichlist.com

This idea created a platform for Anna to discuss the material focus of many on the Main Line.  This statement challenges the Main Line mama to think about her place, and perhaps spur her on to find ways to care for others less fortunate.  I used a lower number than Anna when I visited the global rich list website, but just wanted to highlight the fact that we have so much, materially.  It may be easier for us to give to our children materially, but some of the questions brought to mind might be: What should we be giving our children?  What is the focus of our parenting?

Faithful parenting: Do what you can do; be faithful because God is faithful!

Many times the Main Line mama might not feel that she is giving her children all that they should have, or deserve.  The above thought is important to us as Godly parents: do what YOU can do.  While we compare ourselves and our children to “the Joneses,” we have been given these precious gems specifically for what we can give, and maybe even for what we can’t.  So, be faithful and do what you CAN do.

What we strive to give our children:

(adapted from handout provided by Anna)

CORE NEEDS:

Unconditional love: who you are

Safety: boundaries

Competency: developmental advancement

Many of us understand unconditional love: loving someone no matter what.  It’s a hard thing to accomplish, but you probably felt it the moment your child was placed in your arms.  At that moment, they can do no wrong.  They will make wrong choices, but the unconditional love is already there!  We learn this from our Heavenly Father, who loves us, knowing all of the wrong we have done and will do.  He is our example.

Of course we want to keep our children safe, physically and beyond.  Anna pointed out that boundaries are so important for children to have established in order to feel safe.  There are concrete and abstract boundaries that children (and adults!) need for assurance of safety.  We provide the physical/concrete boundary of a home for our children.  Children also reap the benefits of boundaries in relationships and discipline.  As a Main Line mama, what might be some of the boundaries your child might need?  As a Godly parent, what are some of the boundaries your child might need? 

From birth to adulthood, we hope our child will develop at a “normal” pace.  Providing our children with a variety of experiences foster proper development.  It may be easy or difficult for you to provide your child with the appropriate experiences.  Money or transportation may be an issue.  Hook up with some of your MOPS friends and their children for playdates.  Don’t be afraid to ask ladies in your area what they do to entertain their children.  Use the internet to find parks or libraries nearby! 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

Personal Awareness: Knowing what you feel and managing what is going on internally

Social Awareness: Awareness of how others feel and managing relationships

Emotional intelligence is much harder to teach, and learn.  I’m sure each of us is still learning how to deal with certain emotions and certain people’s emotions and how they deal with them.  During our meeting, we discussed a little bit about how we deal and how our children learn from our example.  Teaching our children empathy early on can really boost emotional intelligence.  During family time, use Bible stories, or books to discuss feelings and actions.  If you have older children, start a Bible or book club with other interested mamas and their children.  Use the smaller, safer group to teach and discuss relationships.

OUTSIDE MEASURED PERFORMANCE:

IQ: verbal/non-verbal/performance

Other Activities: extracurricular

Anna made a point to highlight the importance of both academic and extracurricular status of families on the Main Line.  We, again, try to live up to what is expected of us in our socio-economic status and geographical location.  A simple, but often overlooked thought: What is the motivation of participation in the activity?  In the long run, will this be a benefit or detriment to our family?

From God’s Word:

Below are portions of some of the passages shared in order to give the main idea of the passage .  You are encouraged you to read the chapters and draw applications to your situation.

Dealing with Emotions:

Romans 5: Patience through trouble

“…And we rejoice in the hope of the Glory of God.  Not only so, but also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope…” (v.2-4)

2 Peter 1: character/patience

“…For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins…” (v.5-9)

She's Gonna Blow

Main Line MOPS will meet Thursday, February 3 at 9:30 

Visit http://events.cosnet.org/BrowseEvents.aspx for more information on meeting time and contact.

We know there are many down-to-earth and often infuriating realities of being a mom so at our February 3rd meeting we will be watching a DVD by Julie Barnhill called "She's Gonna Blow: Real Help For Moms Dealing with Anger." Julie Barnhill is hilarious yet thought- provoking speaker and  writer who lives in Illinois with her husband and three children.  In this DVD, you'll find nearly an hour of Julie's comedic wit, bold honesty, self-deprecating humor, and practical strategies for owning up to your Mt. Momma build-up of frustration and anger. Julie helps you identify the why, what, and how of anger and to recognize when you've gone too far as a result of it.

After viewing this video we will be discussing at our tables proven strategies & biblical truth to help you cool down, change, and know peace, joy, rest, contentment, and laughter for your heart and your home.